Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Up Late Again

12:19 AM - Its late and I can't sleep. This is nothing new for me. In fact it is what often happens. I deal with depression on a regular basis. It an overwhelming cloud that has darkened my life.

I wish I could be like my cats. Carefree and happy. They sleep and eat and get love from my wife and I. But alas I'm not a cat and have to deal with the shackles of depression in other ways.

Meds? Been there. Done that. Did they help? Perhaps. I've not killed myself yet. But I did gain large amounts of weight in the process.

In reality my depression is better than it has been in the past. That's due to having a fantastic therapist that helped me learn how bipolar disorder has affected my life.

I'm in a better place mentally nowadays than I used to be. I do have hope in Jesus Christ. In fact that is the reason I am alive today. It's hope in a savior that works my deepest moments of depression into an event for my good.

Yet that still does not cause the depression to pass... Perhaps blogging about things will help to add some clarity to my life and help me better reflect on how to get better and actually engage on life and not sleep through it.

1 comment:

  1. Felt as though I was reading my own life story. I realize that this will likely not come across as encouragement, but I hope that it may. I have suffered from depression since a child. Now I'm 57 and I still am not free of the grip. However, I am confident that God has used this vehicle of sorrow to teach me perseverance. Then,again, as Pastor Steve Brown used to say--"When you think you know what God is working on in your life, you are probably very wrong."